About Me

I’m grateful you’ve joined me here. If you’re a stranger, my name is Landon, and I’m a PhD student studying formal verification. I’m working on finding new automated ways to reason about complex logical problems. I also enjoy reading, writing, cooking, and philosophizing. I maintain a handful of disparate projects in my free time.

I know firsthand how unsettling the experience of questioning long-held beliefs can be. When I started questioning my own beliefs, it was a deeply isolating and confusing time. I felt like I was the only one struggling with doubts and uncertainties. It wasn’t until I began sharing my story with trusted friends and family that I realized how common these experiences are within the Latter-day Saint community.

That’s why I’ve decided to put my name and my face to this project. I’m not an anonymous critic looking to tear down the church and its good members. I’m a real person who has grappled with these issues myself, and I want to create a safe space for others to do the same.

I spent 24 years as a dedicated member of the church, and I want to honor both the positive and negative aspects of that experience. My hope is that by sharing my story, I can create a space for nuanced, compassionate dialogue around the complexities of Mormonism. I don’t aim to persuade or proselytize, but rather to empower you as an intelligent being to make informed decisions about your own faith journey.

If, after reading this resource, you decide to remain a faithful member of the church, I want to explicitly honor that choice. These topics are sensitive and sacred to many, and I’ll do my best to approach them with the reverence they deserve, while also acknowledging the diversity of perspectives and experiences within my former community.

I welcome any questions or concerns you may have, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to engage in this important conversation. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

P.S. I added my photo to this page to prove I have, at one point or another, been outdoors.

My Intentions

When critically analyzing information to help yourself make a significant decision, it’s important to consider the legitimacy of resources. You have surely learned many critical analysis skills in a high school language arts class. One such strategy is an evaluation of the intentions and interests of involved parties.

To that end, I have explicitly documented my intentions.

What I Intend

My intentions are simple, and I outline them as follows. I hope to:

1. Encourage an honest, nuanced, and respectful conversation about beliefs from diverse perspectives;
2. Normalize talking about all aspects of religion, including both benefits and harm; and
3. Promote informed decision-making for people questioning their beliefs or experiencing a faith crisis.

I believe firmly in building the world I want to see, and I want to live in a world where people are comfortable having an open and honest conversation about faith. I believe publishing this resource contributes in a small way to building that world, and I hope it may have such an effect.

I have nothing material to gain from this resource. Its original version took four months to write and even longer to edit and publish. The current version has taken over a year to complete. I have taken a material loss by developing this resource. But I believe the value of contributing to this conversation is well worth the cost.

What I Don’t Intend

If you are experiencing a faith crisis and feel you must make a decision regarding your belief, I would encourage you to seek many sources for information. I hope this resource is useful, but I don’t intend for this resource to be a one-stop shop for faith deconstruction. A faith journey is beautiful and personal thing, and I hope you take the steps that feel most appropriate for you.

Further, I don’t necessarily want you to leave the church. I don’t necessarily want you to stay, either. I want you to make an informed decision that works for you. Only you know what is right for you. I sincerely hope you trust your own judgment and intuition to make a choice that brings you fulfillment and joy.

Perceptions of My Intentions

You may have heard the story of Lehi’s dream at the start of the Book of Mormon, which includes this verse:

And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not. These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away¹

I fear that because I have left the church, my thoughts may be disregarded as a “finger of scorn.” I must state as explicitly as possible that I intend no mockery of faithful people. I admire and honor my pioneer ancestors who walked hundreds of miles in pursuit of a new life in the church. I have a deep respect for people who make great sacrifices for the sake of their beliefs.

I also want to empower anyone who fears that reading this may cause you to fall away from a beloved faith: you are an intelligent human being with free will. You’ve spent years working on refining your intuition. You may have even been promised that you have a gift to discern right from wrong.

The story of Jesus’ life is–in my opinion–a bautiful representation of empathy. The idea that someone would suffer and die for the sake of helping and understanding others is extremely powerful. One of the most beautiful things about life is learning about and empathizing with people we don’t yet understand. Learning about others’ perspectives and empathizing with them is not a betrayal of faith.

Why Trust Me?

I trust you to make your own informed decision. Even so, it’s possible you feel hesitant or afraid to read this. Russell Nelson’s recent advice might come to mind:

Never take counsel from those who do not believe²

Nothing in this resource should be considered counsel. Religion, after all, is a complicated, messy matter. I don’t know what course you should take. I understand you may not trust me. That’s okay. I still hope you are willing to hear my story and give my thoughts some reflection. Investigate the claims I’ve made. Tell me if I made a mistake.

I sincerely hope you do not feel I am attacking you or your beliefs. They were my beliefs for decades. I felt confused, conflicted, angry, afraid, hurt, and betrayed during my own faith crisis. It is normal to feel intense emotions when learning that a treasured belief system might be flawed.

Critical Analysis

You may have experienced moments of doubt or uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are healthy. They can be a catalyst for deeper understanding and growth. Apostle J. Reuben Clark taught:

If we have truth, [it] cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not truth, it ought to be harmed.¹

This perspective invites us to approach our beliefs with an open mind and a willingness to explore. If your faith is built on truth and solid reasoning, then questioning it should only strengthen your understanding. Conversely, if there are aspects that do not hold up under scrutiny, this exploration can lead you to pursue a more authentic and meaningful belief system. After all, the church often highlight’s Joseph Smith’s experience, in which his questions and doubts ultimately allowed him to explore and discover his own belief system.

So I encourage you to approach this journey with curiosity and compassion, for yourself and for others. Together, let us engage in the critical work of understanding the complexities of faith and belief.

The Importance of Critical Analysis

Engaging in a critical analysis of your faith does not mean you are abandoning it. Rather, it is an opportunity to deepen your understanding and clarify your beliefs. Questioning your faith can lead to personal growth and a more profound understanding of your beliefs. It can enable you to explore the reasons behind your faith and help you develop a more resilient spiritual identity. It allows you to explore the reasons behind your faith and helps you develop a more resilient spiritual identity.

Many church members have been promised a gift of discernment. This gift is understood to be a sign that God trusts someone to explore and find the truth for themselves. Exploring your doubts can lead you to a more authentic expression of your faith. It allows you to align your beliefs with your personal experiences and values.

Creating a Safe Space for Questions

It’s natural to feel apprehensive about questioning your faith, especially in a community that values certainty. However, you are not alone in this journey. Many have navigated similar paths and have found strength in their inquiries.

As you embark on an exploration of your faith, remember that asking questions is a sign of strength, not weakness. Embrace the opportunity to investigate and reflect on your beliefs. By doing so, you may discover a deeper, more resilient belief system that resonates with your true self.

Let your pursuit of truth guide you, knowing that genuine inquiry can only lead to greater understanding and authenticity. You are not alone on this journey, and it’s okay to seek answers that resonate with your heart and mind.