Your Well-Being

Questioning your belief system is a big deal. Religion is an emotionally charged topic, and exploring your beliefs often brings up complicated feelings. It is normal to feel confusion, betrayal, anger, sadness, helplessness, and other emotions. You deserve respect during this process.

Go Your Own Pace

Letters like this one often receive criticism from faithful rebuttals that they throw too much information at a reader. FAIR (a popular apologetic resource) refers to this as an “abusive tactic [in which people] are trying to coerce you into a situation where they can bombard you with so many doubt-provoking questions that they can cause your resolve to collapse and your identity to fall apart”¹.

I understand this concern, and I want to approach sensitive topics with empathy and respect. I cover a wide range of topics in this resource because there is much to explore, and I believe each aspect is significant. Please take your time. There is no rush to absorb everything at once.

My intention is not to coerce you into any particular viewpoint. Remember, this is a static website—it doesn’t have feelings, and it will remain here for you to revisit whenever you choose. If you ever feel overwhelmed, if your sense of identity feels shaken, or if your resolve begins to waver, I encourage you to take a step back and click away. Reach out to a trusted loved one or a support hotline if you need. Your well-being is my priority.

I hope this resource proves to be useful, honest, and straightforward. I believe that the information presented here can stand on its own merit and does not require manipulative or abusive tactics to be compelling. My goal is to foster an environment where you can engage with the material at your own pace, allowing for thoughtful reflection and personal growth.

Your Identity

If you’re like many who grew up in the church, you’ve probably sung “I Am a Child of God” from a very young age. You may have even heard talks like “You Are a Child of God”, in which Gordon Hinckley emphasizes that you should obey commandments with exactness because of your identity as a child of God (even pointing out that blessings from a loving God are conditional upon obedience):

If you really know that you are a child of God, you will also know that He expects much of you, His child. He will expect you to follow His teachings and the teachings of His dear Son, Jesus. He will expect you to be generous and kind to others. He will be offended if you swear or use foul language. He will be offended if you are dishonest in any way, if you should cheat or steal in the slightest. He will be happy if you remember the less fortunate in your prayers to Him. He will watch over you and guide you and protect you. He will bless you in your schoolwork and in your Primary. He will bless you in your home, and you will be a better boy or girl, obedient to your parents, quarreling less with your brothers and sisters, helping about the home.²

It can be difficult to imagine anything else serving as such a fundamental part of your identity. For many, the comfort of understanding this identity is worth maintaining a belief system despite contrary evidence. I want to suggest, however, that changing my own perspective on my identity has significantly improved my life. It has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done, but it has also been one of the most rewarding in a way I didn’t think was even possible.

If this identity were taken away—if it were instantly refuted—who would you be? It was initially a shock for me, but there are fundamental truths about your identity that you can embrace.

• You are part of a long-lasting biological cycle. The atoms that make up your body have always existed and will always exist. Your atoms have made up many things before and will make up many things after your life.
• You are an intelligent being, even the universe dreaming of itself.
• You belong to a community of people to which you can contribute meaningfully.
• You can make life better for the people you love.
• You are capable of loving life, enjoying your interests, and creating interesting things.
• You have a unique personality that can contribute to your sense of self.

If you are experiencing a faith crisis, it might be helpful to write down more fundamental parts of your identity that remain true, whether or not the church is true.

Your Values

You might be surprised to find that changing your beliefs doesn’t necessarily mean changing your values. I still hold many of the same values I held before I left the church.

For example, I still value:

• Protecting autonomy and agency
• Using a surplus to provide for people who need it
• Protecting health by rejecting or limiting harmful substances
• Using speech to encourage and inspire rather than hurt
• Showing patience and tolerance when I don’t understand something
• Using privilege to help vulnerable people

If you are deconstructing your faith, it can be helpful to make a list of your values. If you’re like me, you’ll probably be surprised at how few of the things you value depend on the church.

What Changes?

If you decide to leave the church, you are also leaving behind a community identity. This can be intimidating, but in my experience, it can also be incredibly refreshing. The day we decided to leave the church, I remember telling my wife, “I finally feel like I’m allowed to just be a good person.” Leaving the church can mean you no longer have to defend your identity with an often-unpopular organization. You can be free to live by your own conscience.

As I have worked on deconstructing my beliefs, a saying has resonated with me: Always trade up³. When you make a major faith or identity decision, ask if your decision leaves you better off than you were before you made it. And remember, you are an intelligent being. You get to decide what is better or worse for yourself.

Choosing to Stay

Navigating a faith crisis can feel like standing on shaky ground. When the beliefs that once felt solid begin to crumble, it can be disorienting and lonely. Yet, amidst the turmoil, many individuals find themselves choosing to stay connected to their faith and community, often for deeply personal reasons.

For many, the church is more than just a place of worship; it’s a community filled with friendships, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging. I remeber many Sunday gatherings, potlucks, and conversations with friends who feel like family. These connections can be incredibly meaningful, providing a support network that is hard to replicate. The thought of leaving this community can be daunting. It’s not just about stepping away from a set of beliefs; it’s about losing the people who have walked alongside you through life’s ups and downs. For many, the desire to maintain these relationships becomes a powerful anchor, even when doubts begin to swirl.

Then there are the teachings of the church itself. Many members find comfort in the principles that the faith promotes. These values often resonate deeply, offering a guiding light in a world that can sometimes feel chaotic. Even during a faith crisis, you may find solace in the idea of service, the joy of helping others, and the importance of family bonds. It’s not uncommon for someone to feel that, despite their doubts, the teachings of the church still provide a framework for living a meaningful life.

As you grapple with faith, you may discover a more nuanced understanding of their beliefs. This journey can be transformative, allowing you to interpret doctrine in a way that feels authentic. In this light, staying in the church can become a way to navigate a faith journey while still finding purpose and connection. The idea that faith can evolve can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to embrace doubts while still feeling tethered.

Finally, the commitment to family and generational traditions often plays a significant role in one’s decision to remain in the church. For many, the church has been woven into the fabric of their family and cultural identity for generations. The desire to pass on traditions, values, and beliefs to their children can be a powerful motivator to stay involved, even when grappling with personal struggles. The thought of creating a legacy of belonging and purpose in the next generation can inspire people to work through their doubts while remaining active in the church community.

In the end, while a faith crisis can lead to significant questioning and uncertainty, many people find compelling reasons to stay connected to the church. The sense of community, the value of teachings, and the commitment to family and tradition all contribute to the decision to remain engaged. Each person’s journey is unique, and for many, the path forward involves navigating faith in a way that honors both their doubts and their commitments. Ultimately, the choice to stay can be a testament to the complexity of faith and the enduring power of community—a reminder that even in the midst of uncertainty, there can be a profound sense of belonging and purpose.

Choosing to Leave

Leaving the church can be a difficult and transformative decision. For many, it’s not just about stepping away from a set of beliefs; it’s about untangling themselves from a way of life that has shaped their identity, relationships, and worldview. The journey to this decision is often fraught with emotional complexity, filled with moments of doubt, clarity, fear, and liberation.

The process of leaving begins with a faith crisis—a moment when the foundations of belief start to shake. This can be triggered by a variety of factors: encountering historical truths that challenge the church’s narrative, grappling with personal experiences that don’t align with church teachings, or simply feeling a growing sense of disconnection from the community. As these doubts surface, they can lead to a profound sense of isolation. The very community that once felt like home can suddenly seem stifling, and the teachings that once provided comfort can feel constricting.

As you begin to question your faith, you may find yourself in a state of internal conflict. There’s a deep sense of loss that accompanies the decision to leave—loss of community, of shared rituals, and of a familiar way of life. For many, the church is not just a religious institution; it’s a family, a social network, and a cultural identity. The thought of walking away can be terrifying. What will my friends and family think? Will I be ostracized? The fear of losing relationships can weigh heavily on the heart, making the decision to leave feel like an act of rebellion against not just the church, but against loved ones.

Yet, for many, the desire for authenticity and personal truth ultimately outweighs these fears. The journey of leaving can be one of profound self-discovery. As people step away from the church, they often find the freedom to explore their beliefs and values without the constraints of doctrine. This newfound autonomy can be exhilarating. It opens the door to a world of possibilities—new philosophies, spiritual practices, and ways of understanding the universe that may have previously felt out of reach.

Leaving the church can also lead to a reevaluation of personal relationships. While some connections may falter, others can deepen. Many individuals find solace in communities of people who have also left the church, creating new friendships based on shared experiences and mutual understanding. These connections can provide a sense of belonging that feels just as fulfilling, if not more so, than what they experienced in the church.

Moreover, the act of leaving can be a powerful statement of self-empowerment. It’s a declaration that beliefs and values matter, that personal truth is worth pursuing, even if it means stepping into the unknown. This journey can be liberating, allowing you to reclaim your narrative and redefine your identity outside the confines of church teachings.

However, the process is not without its challenges. Many who leave the church experience a period of grief as they mourn the loss of their former lives. This can manifest as feelings of guilt, confusion, and sadness. It’s a complex emotional landscape that requires time and patience to navigate. Healing often comes in waves, and it’s essential to feel and process these emotions fully.

Leaving the church is a deeply personal journey that can be both painful and liberating. It involves grappling with loss, fear, and uncertainty, but it also opens the door to self-discovery, authenticity, and new connections. While the decision to leave may come with its own set of challenges, many find that embracing their truth leads to a richer, more fulfilling life. Ultimately, the journey of leaving is not just about stepping away from a faith; it’s about stepping into a new chapter of life—one that is defined by personal beliefs, newfound freedom, and the courage to forge one’s own path.

Thank You

As we reach the end of this journey, I find myself reflecting on the path we’ve traveled together. It’s been a deeply personal exploration, one that has allowed me to share my story, my struggles, and my insights with you. I hope that in these words, you’ve found a sense of connection, understanding, and perhaps even a little comfort.

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when it involves something as profound as faith and identity. I want to express my gratitude for your willingness to engage with my experiences, to consider perspectives that may differ from your own, and to walk alongside me in this exploration. Whether you are a lifelong member of the church, a recent convert, or someone simply curious about the journey of faith, your openness means the world to me.

I recognize that our paths may diverge here, and that’s a beautiful thing. Each of us is on a unique journey, shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and the questions we carry. I hope that as you continue on your own path, you do so with a heart full of compassion and a mind open to the complexities of belief and doubt. Remember that it’s okay to question, to seek, and to explore. It’s in these moments of inquiry that we often find the most profound truths about ourselves and the world around us.

As I close this epistle, I carry with me the lessons learned, the friendships forged, and the love that remains, even in the face of change. I hope you, too, can find peace and fulfillment in your journey, wherever it may lead you. May you embrace the beauty of your own experiences, the richness of your beliefs, and the depth of your questions.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. With warmth and gratitude, I wish you all the best as you navigate your own path. I hope our journeys, different as they may be, can share a spirit of compassion and empathy.

With love,

Landon