After the Church

A year after severing my ties with the church, I find myself in a state of profound contentment—a far cry from the trepidation and anxiety that had once gripped me. It is as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders, allowing me to breathe freely and embrace the boundless possibilities that lay before me.

In the initial months after my departure, I still grappled with the deeply ingrained beliefs and fears that had been instilled in me from a young age. The specter of divine retribution loomed large, and I had internalized an expectation that God would smite me for my transgressions. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, I gradually shed the mantle of guilt and shame that had long burdened my existence.

Reclaiming Financial Freedom

One of the most liberating aspects of our newfound independence has been the ability to direct our financial resources in a manner that aligns with our own values and priorities. For years, we had dutifully paid our tithing, terrified of the consequences that might befall us should we fail to “render unto God” what was rightfully His.

Yet, in the year since we stopped this practice, our financial situation has only improved. While life still presents its natural ebbs and flows, we have generally experienced good fortune, free to use our hard-earned money to support the people and causes that truly matter to us, rather than funding the church’s vast commercial ventures.

Embracing Physical and Emotional Well-Being

The church’s rigid dietary restrictions had long been a source of frustration and confusion. But now, armed with the guidance of medical professionals and academic research, we have embraced the health benefits of coffee and tea, savoring the low-calorie energy they provide and enjoying the positive impacts on our overall well-being.

Similarly, the patriarchal dynamics that had once defined our marriage have given way to a partnership of true equality. We no longer feel the need to adhere to the church’s antiquated and oppressive gender roles, freeing us to forge our own path as equal, autonomous individuals.

Cultivating Authentic Connections

Perhaps most significantly, I have found the courage to fully embrace my relationships, unencumbered by the church’s divisive policies and hidden agendas. I can now love my friends for who they are, without the burden of secretly trying to convert them or make them conform to the church’s narrow definition of worthiness.

This newfound authenticity has breathed new life into my interpersonal connections, allowing me to forge deeper, more meaningful bonds with those who truly matter. And while the transition has not been without its challenges—particularly in navigating the reactions of some of our friends and family members—the relationships that have endured have only grown stronger, forged in the crucible of our shared journey.

A Newfound Sense of Purpose

As I have shed the shackles of my former faith, I have discovered a profound sense of purpose and meaning that transcends the rigid dogma I once clung to. My newfound belief system, best described as optimistic nihilism, embraces the inherent randomness and meaninglessness of the universe, while finding solace in the notion that it is this very lack of divine oversight that imbues our lives with true value and significance.

I no longer strive to please an omniscient, judgmental, fickle deity, but rather to be a force for good in my community, driven by my own moral compass, empathy, and compassion. Each day, I work to become a more authentic, kind, and generous version of myself, savoring the preciousness of my one life.

In the end, my experience is a testament to the transformative power of embracing truth, even in the face of personal and social upheaval. For in doing so, I have discovered a level of joy, peace, and fulfillment that I never could have imagined during my time within the church. This, to me, is the most powerful evidence against the validity of its teachings—a testimony of the human spirit’s capacity to thrive when freed from the shackles of dogma and fear.