Perfection

There’s something wrong with you. In fact, you’re naturally God’s greatest enemy and you always have been. Don’t worry, though. We have the cure. For the low price of 10% of your income and eternal, unwavering loyalty, we will make sure you’re good enough for God.

That’s the message I internalized as I grew up in the church. It’s a powerful message.

The church’s pervasive message of imperfection can often feel like a heavy burden. The underlying narrative suggests that there is something inherently wrong with every human being, framing everyone as fundamentally flawed and in need of redemption. This sentiment is often couched in seemingly innocuous phrases such as, “Of course, nobody’s perfect,” or “We all need to repent.” While these statements may appear benign, they contribute to a culture of perfectionism that can be deeply damaging. The church teaches that imperfection not only separates individuals from God but also bars them from eternal family connections in the afterlife. This creates a powerful incentive for members to seek perfection, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

The church’s teachings can be distilled into a reductive framework that emphasizes the following points: you are inherently flawed, your imperfections prevent you from achieving eternal happiness, you cannot attain perfection on your own, and the church alone possesses the means to facilitate your journey toward perfection through the Atonement. This narrative can feel like a snake oil sales pitch, where the solution is presented as exclusive to the church, creating a dependency on its teachings and practices. The pressure to conform to these ideals can be overwhelming, as members are often reminded that failing to meet these standards can result in exclusion from sacred ordinances, such as temple access or holding the priesthood. This creates a cycle of anxiety and self-criticism, where individuals constantly strive for an unattainable ideal.

The Impact of Perfectionism

The harmful effects of this perfectionist culture are evident in the lives of many members. The church’s emphasis on an “us versus them” mentality can lead to a lack of compassion for those who do not conform to its standards. While some congregations are making strides toward inclusivity, the pressure to evangelize and convert those outside the faith can create an environment where individuals feel unwelcome or judged. This was particularly evident in my own experiences, where discussions about LGBTQ+ issues were often steeped in condemnation, leaving little room for understanding or acceptance. The fear of being seen as imperfect or unworthy can lead to isolation, as members may feel they must hide their true selves to fit in.

Moreover, the church promotes an image of happiness, health, and prosperity as a direct result of faithful living. This creates an additional layer of pressure, as members feel compelled to present a façade of perfection to the outside world. The expectation to maintain appearances can be exhausting, leading to a culture where individuals are afraid to express vulnerability or admit to struggles. This pressure is compounded by the church’s teachings that equate personal trials with opportunities for growth, leaving little room for genuine emotional expression. The result is a community where many feel they must constantly perform, sacrificing their authenticity for the sake of perceived righteousness.

Keeping Up Appearances

Ironically, while church leaders often condemn perfectionism, the relentless pursuit of perfection becomes yet another task on the already overwhelming to-do list of a faithful member. Balancing the demands of school, family, church responsibilities, and personal aspirations can feel insurmountable. The expectation to excel in all areas can lead to burnout and disillusionment, as individuals grapple with the impossibility of meeting these standards. The pressure to be a perfect spouse, parent, and church member can create a sense of inadequacy, as members compare themselves to the idealized versions of others they see in church settings or social media.

This culture of perfectionism can also lead to a phenomenon known as “imposter syndrome,” where individuals feel like frauds despite their accomplishments. Many members may achieve significant milestones—such as serving missions, obtaining degrees, or raising families—but still feel unworthy or inadequate in the eyes of their peers and church leaders. This internal conflict can be exacerbated by the church’s teachings that emphasize the need for constant self-improvement and repentance, creating a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.

Good, Not Perfect

During my faith journey, I have found solace in affirmations that challenge the perfectionist mindset instilled in me. Recognizing that perfection is subjective and that I am deserving of love and respect, regardless of my flaws, has been liberating. Simple affirmations such as “I care, and I am trying, and that is enough” have provided a sense of peace that was often elusive within the church’s framework. These affirmations serve as reminders that personal worth is not contingent upon meeting external standards or conforming to societal expectations.

Additionally, engaging in self-compassion practices has been instrumental in counteracting the harmful effects of perfectionism. Learning to treat myself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of failure or struggle, has fostered a healthier relationship with myself. This shift in perspective allows for a more nuanced understanding of personal growth, where mistakes are viewed as opportunities for learning rather than as indicators of worthlessness.

Summary

Ultimately, the church’s narrative that there is something fundamentally wrong with individuals serves to control and manipulate its members, creating a cycle of dependency on its teachings for validation and worth. This perfectionist culture not only fosters feelings of inadequacy but also stifles authentic self-expression and connection with others. As individuals grapple with the pressure to conform to unattainable ideals, they may find themselves trapped in a cycle of self-criticism and isolation. However, recognizing that personal worth is inherent and not contingent upon perfection can be a transformative realization.

Embracing the understanding that imperfection is a beautiful part of the human experience can lead to greater compassion for oneself and others. By challenging the harmful teachings of perfectionism and cultivating a mindset of self-acceptance, individuals can break free from the constraints of the church’s narrative. In doing so, they can foster a more authentic and fulfilling life, grounded in the belief that they are worthy of love and respect simply for being who they are. As we move forward, it is essential to remember that our value is not defined by our adherence to rigid standards but by our capacity for growth, empathy, and connection with others.

In the immortal words of John Steinbeck, “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”